I know you've all heard that lame but sweet Mandy Moore song, "Crush" (if you haven't listen to and watch it here) and I know you have all probably had a crush at some point. But I have a serious crush on a guy right now and it is HURTING ME I like him so much!
This is going to be a completely self-indulgent post and I promise I'll return to current affairs/interesting stuff that relates to other people tomorrow but today I really just have to get all this off my chest.
Let's just say his name is Pete. I have known him for years, our families holiday together three times a year with several other families. Pete is the best friend of one of my best guy friends, is the same age as me and is COMPLETELY ADORABLE! He is a total flirt, is cheeky, silly, taller than me (no mean feat, I'm nearly six foot!), athletic, blonde, enthusiastic, thoughtful and sweet. He has these huge blue eyes that melt me completely- he could ask me to do anything and I would do it as long as he just looked me in the eye when he asked!
We have flirted for a few years now and we all went camping together on this past long weekend and things kicked up a gear. He taught me how to play poker, we play-wrestled in his tent (other kids were in there too, it wasn't just the two of us!), we shared a blanket around the fire, we took it in turns toasting each other marshmallows and feeding them to each other from the stick, he looked after me when I came down with a cold... it was a GREAT weekend.
The thing is, now it's over and I won't get to see him until January when we next go away. My stomach, head, throat and heart all ache with... longing, I guess. I just want to have one more day with him the way it was on the weekend!
I know nothing can ever happen between us because if it did, our whole playful relationship would be ruined. But at the same time, what if something more were to happen? Would we be great together? Could we get along if things didn't work out?
You are probably reading this and going, "Yeah, OK, we've all had crushes too. Move on, hon! Plenty of fish in the sea..." The reason I feel so strongly about this particular crush is that Pete was the first guy to show me that sort of attention since my disasterous break-up of August and the unrequited love of another guy in September (I just didn't feel the same way as he did and I had to let him know before anything happened- that was the issue with the August break-up, I let myself be led into a relationship I knew I wan't interested in AT ALL. But that is another post for another day. Actually there are probably another seventeen posts in that issue alone!) and I just lapped up the attention and adored every second of it!
I feel sick! I can't get him out of my head! There was a moment on the weekend when he stroked my hair when my head was in his lap and I swear to you, I have been floating on a cloud ever since. Maybe he is just a player (or "playa". Woo! In da hood, gansta!), maybe he actually likes me, maybe I'm going to go INSANE thinking about all this...
Arrgghh, whoever says girls are complicated has never been in this situation; Boys are so confusing! They pick us up, treat us like princesses then turn us off and on like taps in the kitchen sink!
Can anyone, and I mean ANYONE, offer me ANY sort of advice. PLEASE help. I am reaching into cyberspace here, praying that there is a girl (or even a guy) who is older and wiser than I and knows how to deal with this.
PLEASE!!
Found a great quote that PERFECTLY describes what is happening here, I'm sure many of you can relate to this:
"That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else."
-Anonymous
BTW, I want to be the girl in this piccy at left. He is totally protecting her and she looks so at ease and in love and it's all just so sweet! I want to be in love but with someone who loves me back, not just this one-way street I have had so much experience with lately (working both ways- guy likes me, I don't like him; I like guy, he just plays with me).
HELP!! PLEASE!!
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